Often times I need to remind myself that I'm in a fortunate position, that I've been blessed with or by certain things. In terms of gender transitioning...I'm lucky I don't have an Adam's Apple and won't require a tracheal shave. I don't have an extremely deep, rumbly voice - and voice training has been going well so far. I don't have a square jaw. My shoulders aren't extremely wide in proportion. Best of all, the one thing I would never trade is my feminine eyes...
But when it comes to having comparison in life...it's toxic. It's toxic in context...for instance, I look at other medical students excelling in the same subject, and I feel like a failure. For gender dysphoria though...gosh is it a lot worse.
I look at other people...and they're so feminine. They've got long, wavy hair. They've got a petite physique. They *PASS*. Now...I know that passing and hyper-femininity is not the core, nor an importance to be or identify as trans. But...it hurts. I want to pass, I want to be feminine. On one hand I'm so happy for my trans-sisters and brothers, but it's so painful to have comparison.
I know I'll get there at some point. Back to the daily grind, I suppose...
Just a rambling me,
~ Macy/Hearth
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