As the NHS puts it...
'Gender dysphoria is a term that describes a sense of unease that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity. This sense of unease or dissatisfaction may be so intense it can lead to depression and anxiety and have a harmful impact on daily life.'
To me...it was always a sense that something wasn't quite right with my body. As a kid, I had long hair, a fabulously pink "Hello Kitty" jacket that was my absolute favorite - and my Mother lovingly put me in a sundress. But as I grew older - being labeled a 'boy' meant that I had to love more masculine things; cars, sports - I was to grow up into 'a man'.
Throughout that process I had always felt like a passenger in my own flesh, unable to control anything associated with it. As male puberty hit, my voice dropped, I started growing facial hair and body hair - all of which made my skin crawl. I didn't want any of it, I wanted it gone. But I had no idea how.
I discovered what being trans meant, and what gender dysphoria meant, from people who so lovingly educated little ignorant me - in the midst of my middle school life. It felt like I had finally understood what was going on, and why I felt so disconnected. I thought to myself - 'okay, I just need to get on hormones and my body will change, I can start living as the girl I want to be'.
It wasn't so simple, haha. Hopeful, I spent hours googling how to start, which doctors to see, finding out if I needed certain letters, how to come out to my parents...but there was nothing. No resources, no information - just a void. Transgenderism, transgender healthcare, and transgender rights were completely invisible in Hong Kong. All I could find back then were a few websites on Drag Clubs.
That completely crushed me. I gave up on myself, the idea of myself, and my body. In doing so, I fell into a deeper and darker mental hole that took me years to climb out of...
T.B.C.
~ Macy/Hearth.
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